Darrell's reply
Zvonko Springer (zzspri@COSY.SBG.AC.AT)
Sat, 2 Nov 1996 23:28:40 +0100
To : MEMORIES@SJUVM.STJOHNS.EDU
For : Darrell P. Weldon < dweldon@oitvms.oit.umass.edu>
From : zzspri@cosy.sbg.ac.at \ Zvonko Springer \
Date : Sat, November 2, 1996
Subj. : Reply to Requests of Sat, 19 Oct 1996
Refer : MEMORERR.E28
Lines : 150
Darrell,
first of all, I would like to thank for your most interesting letter
about experiences and rememberances on your father. Your letter has provoked
in me some thoughts which could be for contemplation in the Project Memories.
Here are some of these thoughts about which I would like hearing from the
subscribers as well as from the Panel's Elders too.
1. Could or would a child ask its parents about their lifes? How
could a child know anything of parents' experiences?
2. Do parents realy try telling their children regarding many life's
problems or their own experiences? How to do it at the right and
appropriate times?
3. Does a younger generation wants to learn anything from the older
ones' observations, tests and results?
4. How do influence social, cultural and geopolitical conditions on
the communication between between parents and their children?
5. Does the parental life's history and experience can cope with
such changes which occure say in span of 20 years? How to deal
with their own children's life status in their present days?
6. Would such a communication be possible under stress or duress?
What about situations where such communications aren't possible
or reasonable because of certain restrictions or suppresions?
I admit it's all too confusing. For many years, I bore in me some
grudge on my father because of the event and its later causes described
below. I wonder what I would say to my child in such a situation today?
***
Note: The extracts are from my unpublished manuscript "RE-EDUCATION or Four
Months in The Life of A Young Man" which has been written in Salzburg
1984/5. The English text has been improved and retyped in 1986. Since
1993, this manuscript is kept at the Archives' of Institutes for South
European History of the University of Vienna and Graz as well as at
the Republic of Croatia Military Archives. This eye-witness' account
is considered as a valuable historical document.
The following lines are from the first section titled "FAREWELL -
Friday, April 13, 1945. The eastern front lines near Osijek collapsed
under Tito's Yugoslav Army new attack. The Croatian Army Command (of
'NDH' 1941-45) ordered a withdrawal westwards. Osijek has been 'libe-
rated' on April 14th by Tito's Armies - a day after Vienna some 400 km
westwards (!) by the Russian Armies. I have served as lietenant-junior
in a battery of hovitzers in Osijek for the last 4 months. Few hours
before our retreat would start, I went to see my parents for a farewell.
***
... I needed his help more than any of the others, being always the youngest
in my class and have suffered from a strong inferiority complex on account
of my many illnesses. I was weak in any fight with my classmates, rather bad
in any kind of sport, sluggish and a bit overweight. On top of it all, I was
supposed to wear glasses because of some minor eye defect. My father kept
threatening me with a brace because of my bad posture. I certainly was not
the warrior type! ...
... As I was leaning my bicycle against the wall by our front door, our dog
a Doberman came rushing out. She hated uniforms normally but had got used
to announce my arrival. ... My mother came down the steps and on seeing me
said: "We've been waiting for you all day. We couldn't get in touch with
you at the battery. Are you leaving too?"
My mother was a small woman in her mid-forties ... keeping well despite
of all she had gone through since the war began in 1941. Both her parents,
her brother and several other relatives had been taken to some concentration
camps by the Germans in 1943. Nobody knew what had happened to them. My pa-
rents never talked about them or about other peoples who had vanished over-
night... I could only piece together what I heard here and there. It came
gradually to me realizing that my family was in mortal danger ... especially
now that the Fascist were ruling in Croatia. ...
My father told me that an army patrol had come into the house and asked
about where I was and what I was doing. They left when my father told them
that I had reported on duty at the battery this morning and that's the last
he knew. ... In the dining room, ... my father and mother and me stood toge-
ther looking at each other, not knowing what to say. ... "Father, I don't
want to go. Can't I hide somewhere around here?"
"No, son, you can't hide anywhere here. You know they will come again
and again to search for you. You have to go with them. I wouldn't know what
to do with mother and myself then. I know how you feel now. I am so sorry
and ashamed that I have no better advice for you. They would take us all,
and we wouldn't have a chance to live and see the day when these terrible
times are over."
"Father, the Reds [Tito's Partisans] may be here tomorrow, - aren't
you afraid of what's going to happen when we leave?" - "I don't know what
the partisans are like and what kind of regime we'll get if they are in
power. All I know is, it will be the end of war and of the constant danger
we've been living in these past four years. You have no idea how difficult
it was to prevent your mother being taken away after all her family had
been deported!"
I looked at him with shocked eyes. "I'm not sure I understand what you
are talking about, father. However, I do have an idea what has happened to
mother's family." My father smiled sadly. "We've never talked about it for
your sake. We know how difficult it would have been for you as you're in
the army, These are terrible times, son, when a man has to fight for his
country under a government that he does not believe in. It haven't have or
shown any justice and humane thought."
"Father, this are not the times for philosophical thought or political
discussion. In half an hour I have to be back at the garrison and we will
probably leave before nightfall". ...
This was the moment in my life when the bond between childhood and adult
life is cut, - sharply and irretrievably. It was particularly hard for me
because I realized instantly that from now on nobody, not my father, not my
mother or any of my family, would be looking after me or help me. It was up
to me and I was solely responsible for what would happen to me from now on.
For the first time in my life, I had spoken to my father in a tone never
used before. My father was a big man, his chest was about twice the size of
my own. He had enormous strength in his two large hands. A slap in the face
by my father was one of the things I'd been most afraid of, not so much be-
cause of the pain but because of the fear it filled me with. ... Why could
not I stand up to my father like a man?
Now, I was doing it and looking on my father's face came to me as the
shock. He was in his innermost self a very soft person, with a great deal
of compassion and love. He has formed by himself a hard outer shell during
a very difficult childhood and youth ... beeing void of all warmth and love
in a family. When in turn, he became a father, he probably felt impatient
and irritated when his son wasn't able to cope with situations which were
far less difficult than the times he had gone through. And yet, I knew that
he loved me very much.
As I could see now looking into his face that was lined by worries and
sorrows he had felt all these years of war. He would probably have to go on
bearing for some time longer. His love for me was fighting with the thought
that it perhaps was better for me to get used to hardship and fighting so
that I, too, would build a shell to protect myself against the outside world
the way he had done. There was no time to contemplate all these feelings and
thoughts. Now, that the decision had been made, I had sorted out a few things
and said good-bye before leaving for a most uncertain future. ...
"Zvonko, my son, look after yourself. Protect yourself the best you can.
I've never been a soldier and I've never killed a man. God only knows what
you will have to do and the things you will be involved in. God bless you,
my son!" There were tears in my father's eyes as he pressed me to his huge
chest. ...
***
Epilogue: I have surroundered to Tito's Army early Tuesday of May 15th 1945
which was 7 days after the Armistice in WW2. After that, I have survived
the CROATIANS' DEATH MARCH by walking barefooted some 500 km in 17 days.
I passed through few jails and ended up in a PoWs' camp from where I have
been dismissed by the Amnesty of Tito's new Yugoslav Assembly on August
14th 1945. The title of RE-EDUCATION has another meaning too.
***
Thanks for your careful reading and regards from
Zvonko of Oak Hill alias CROATIAN SOLDIER .
End of MEMORIES.E28 .